Can you hear mee now?

While wondering around Deseret Book the other day I read a comment on the back of a new book. It said something like; "finally single people have a voice." My thought was; why is the voice for single people coming from someone who is married ?" It is probably a well written and intended book. I might even read a least part of it if given to mee.

A while back I had a woman tell mee she wished her daughter could see the example of many of the single women in the church and how they have lived good, long productive lives. I don't recall all she said. And, I might have missed her intent. An exaggerated version of what I heard would go:

Although you are single. And, you have no one to just have around you at home. And, you have no one to help you make decisions about how to maintain and manage your home. And, you possibly spend 3-7 nights a week talking to no one but your dog after 5 pm. You really shouldn't ever complain about being lonely. (I am glad I have a dog so I don't feel I am going crazy and talking to myself.)

I try to keep my complaining to a minimum. Maybe there in lies a problem. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, right? I don't want to be a burden, or a source of annoyance. I want to know someone thinks about mee. Although I know there are worse situtation I could be in I would like to believe someone prays for mee.

For various reasons in my life I have felt invisible. I am not the oldest, bossy, brilliant child. I am not the boy who almost died, but didn't. I am not the girl whose conception and birth could have killed my mother, but was sought after anyway.

I am rather the child who was born in the wake of grief brought upon by the loss of a first born son. I am single in a church fighting the battle to maintain the family as God intends it to be. I am a Special Education Teacher in a program directed by therapist. I am fat. I am practical.

I long to be married. But more than that, I long to return home. Not to the presence of a unknowable God. Rather, I long to be engulfed in the embrace of my loving Father in Heaven.

I desire to have my voice heard. I am ready for people to know what I am thinking, even in the unrational moments of loneliness or moral indignation. I choose to be an advocate for children who are not wanted, and society wishes to "throw away". I want everyone to know am worried about the current direction our country is taking. I seek to join my voice with those who sing the praises of God. I pray for a return to family values.

Therefore, from here on out there will be a little more spice to my thoughts. Hell, the world might get to know the real MEE.