I don't want anyone trying to deny it. Please, no maxims, or attempted words of consolation. As I see it, it is a fact. Despite prayers, efforts, pleadings, and desire; the time has come to accept what has happened…
Centuries ago, it would have been a widely acknowledged fact. I recognize I was raised with social expectations which differ widely from those perpetuated by mainstream media and culture. I have, in part, examined values and principle within which I was socialized. I am still in the process of accepting or rejecting material tinting my view of the world. Let it be established I have accepted ideas into my platform which makes the follow statement true to myself, about myself.
I, Malinda, am an old maid.
If I were talking to myself I would ask... "Are you bragging or complaining?"
…bragging....
Within the world of the LDS people I have been a Young Single Adult since the day I turn 18. I greatly enjoyed that realm of social connectivity throughout college. My student ward was my family. Thanks to Facebook, e-mail, blogs, and cell phones I am still in contact with many of the people I knew during those years.
I have people complain others pestering them over the matter. I haven't felt that way. I have had people reassure mee that I would get married. I have also never been set up on a blind date. At the age of 22 I had a girl ask mee if I was worried about being so old and single. (laughable, I know). I told her I was odd enough I expected it would take a while to find someone to marry.
Complaining…
A couple of weeks ago I attended a single adult conference. On Saturday morning I was reviewing the program with a couple of sisters I had met the night before. One of them brought a statement from a speaker bio to our attention. I talked about him having a great love and respect for singles.
“Do we have a disease?” was the questions she asked. Are we an alien race or a group with disabilities? Does it take a certain amount of effort to love those who are single?
Although I agreed the statement sounded odd, I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. The Brother the bio was about did an amazing job speaking. One of the things helped mee understand the statement of concern. It also relieved some tension I have felt concerning my state of being single.
“Being single is a burden.”
How is being single a burden? Many might sight all the things I can doing being single. Travel when I want to. Don’t have to worry about making others happy or catering to the needs of others. I only have to clean up after myself and my dog.
Yep, I get to travel, by myself. Well, I take Boyd (see the side bar) along for fun. I have no one to cater for. I have no one to help mee make decisions. I have no one to be alone with. I have no one to bounce ideas off of at 2 am.
I don’t want to be a whiner. Everyone has things they have to deal with. I try to remember all the things I have to be grateful for. I have a job I love. I have a house. I have a very handsome dog…
So here I am to that point where I don’t know how to explain what it feels like…to sit in church without a hand to hold or a companion to share insights with….how conscientious I am about talking with the brethren…how I feel I have nothing in common with young mothers…
What to do…
Pray. Prayer does amazing things. Pray for mee. Pray that you might know what to do for mee. Pray that you might know how to help others who are feeling alone. Pray, pray, pray…
Do something. It may seem silly, or unimportant. Do it anyway. Never let opportunities to serve pass you by.
Don’t treat mee like I am 20. I was 20 once. It was a lot of fun. I am grateful for all the memories I have from that time in my life. I am no longer there.
Don’t think I am strong enough. We are charged with sharing burdens. I am not good at sharing mine.
Amen. :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is probably the hardest time of year for me, wanting someone to snuggle up with to get warm while admiring the view outside and discussing upcoming plans to enjoy the holidays... It gets a little harder around Christmas, with the nostalgia and wanting to make new traditions with a family of my own...
It's essential, and I mean essential, to have friends close-by, intimate friends who have time for me and help fill some of the emotional needs a "sweetheart" might otherwise fill if I had one. People to talk to, share my concerns and troubles and triumphs and discoveries with, and to lean on or even offer some affectionate physical contact here and there in a non-romantic way. I know it sounds kinda doofy to a lot of people to even say I need that, but for optimal sense of well-being, I think I do, and I think most people do, whether they know it or not.
Anyway, I'm monopolizing your post for my own additional soapbox, so I'll stop and reiterate "amen". :-)